I Can, So I Will.
A place to share my thoughts, and journey.
Day 6, Level 1 = COMPLETE!
I really didn’t want to do it today, especially since I’m a little hung-over but alas.
I feel way better about myself now, and a lot better in general after getting a nice workout in before I hang out with my friend later tonight.
Today’s been weird in terms of hunger though. I just haven’t felt it at all and I know I have to eat regardless, but it makes me feel gross when I eat and I’m not hungry.
Stop making recovery about your body.
I see so many recovery blogs focusing so much on “Gotta meet my calorie goal to gain!” “Gotta do some yoga so I gain muscle, not fat!” “Gotta still be healthy!” “Gotta take measurements!” “Gotta weigh myself and see if I gained!”
That’s not recovery.
That’s obsessing over your body in a new way. As long as you’re doing that, you’re still going to feel like you’re never good enough. You’re soon going to find yourself with the same old disordered mind, but trapped in a body with a healthy weight.
Recovery is about seeing that there is so much more to life than your body. There’s more to life than food and calories and yoga and running and lifting and fitness. Those things have a place, and it’s okay to be interested in those things and love those things. But it isn’t okay to idolize those things. Idolizing the same things you did during your ED, even if it’s in a new way, is not recovery.
Recovery is reading really good books. It’s going to the movies. It’s staying up all night with friends. It’s kissing. It’s laughing. It’s finding new ways to be creative. It’s going on adventures. It’s being you.
I’ve been all over this spectrum. I’ve thrown health out the window and hardly eaten anything because I wanted to be thin. I’ve made health my god and ended up unhealthier than ever. I’ve had a healthy body and a disordered mind. But right now, I’m closer than ever to having a healthy mind and a healthy body. And guys, it’s beautiful. It feels so amazing to go on weekend road trips and not worry about what I’ll eat. It’s so perfect to go hiking and be able to go slow and enjoy the scenery and not just be thinking about the calories I’m burning.
When you make recovery about your body, you can’t live. You will always be chained to something, except instead of “thin”, it will now be your picture perfect idea of “health”.
Health is awesome. Fitness is awesome. Green smoothies and yoga and luna bars and half marathons are awesome. But when those things are so much your focus that you aren’t living life any more, that isn’t health.
Day 5, Level 1 = COMPLETE!
Yay, I did it even though I really didn’t want to! I wrote down all of the days on my calendar and I’m going to cross them off as I go along. I’m hoping the reminder will keep me motivated to complete every day so I don’t have to stare at my lack of dedication if I were to skip a day.
I know it would drive me crazy having a visual reminder of my failure.
HALF WAY DONE LEVEL ONE! And I’m kind of scared of L2 as people seem to say it’s the hardest.
